Exciting Moments in this Chaotic Life

Hello friends- Life has been busy and chaotic here, to say the least.  Since I have been so busy, I haven't managed to craft some blog posts, so here's a bit of (stupid) facts about my chaotic (boring) life…

Since my last post, here are some of my exciting moments:

• Number of days bank balance was below ZERO = 5
• Number of trips to pick up youngest teenager from somewhere after work or over a weekend = 33 (seriously)
• Maximum number of male teenagers in my vehicle at one time = 6
• Number of drop off locations for said (6) teenagers at respective places = 3
• Number of minutes spent in vehicle waiting for said teenagers = 60+
• Number of Hours I Wished I Could Quit My Job and just work at home doing arts and crafts = 340
• Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches eaten for evening meal = 3
• Bowl of Cereal eaten for evening meal = 2
• Number of times I wished for a magic wand = 201
• Said a swear word Out Loud = 17 
• Said swear word In My Head = 157
• Pages Read in “50 Shades of Gray” = All
• Number of days it took to read 50 shades = 3
• Orthodontist appointment to be scheduled = 1
• Orthodontist appointment Scheduled =  0
• Number of immunizations needed for teenagers = 7
• Number of immunizations given = 7
• Number of unhappy teenagers after immunizations = 2
• Checked Kids Grades Online = 14
• Number of teachers to be visited at parent/teacher conferences = 11 (for both boys)
• Number of teachers actually visited = 4
• Loads of Laundry Washed = 20
• Loads of Laundry Dried = 20
• Loads of Laundry Folded = 18
• Days Until Said Laundry is Folded = 1 
• Nights we've eaten take out = 1 (see bank balance above)
• Number of pans, baking dishes, skillets, etc. washed = 31
• Times I've planned ahead and used Slow Cooker for dinner = 2
• Number of times I managed to spend time with My Man = 2
• Number of times I wanted to spend time with My Man = 20+

CONCLUSION: I need more excitement that is fun and not domestic-related!!

Happy Monday!! Hope your life was less chaotic 

than mine (but I'm guessing it wasn't).  

Hugs, Erin

(This post was inspired by A Day in the Wife blog, 
written by Julie, go check her out. 
She always makes me laugh!)

Funny Friday - Penis Surgery

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perks up.

"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor

 

"We're getting granite countertops."

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Disclaimer: Funny Friday is not intended to offend anyone,

it is just my way of sharing the bits of laughter

sent to me by friends thoughout the week.

I pick the best of the bunch to share with you. 

Figuring if you are as tired as I am and possibly stressed by work

(or just life in general) you can use a good laugh.

TGIF!  Hugs,  Erin

Funny Friday - The Husband Store

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.  She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.  'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:  To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Hugs,  Erin

Funny Friday - A Glass of Wine

This was sent to me by email from one of my favorite people, just had to share. 

To my FRIENDS who enjoy a glass of wine...
And those who don't and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,

In beer there is freedom,

In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,

Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink

1 litre of water each day,

At the end of the year we would have absorbed

More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria

Found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer

(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)

Because alcohol has to go through a purification process

Of boiling , filtering and/or fermenting .

Remember:

Water = Poop
Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,

Than to drink water and be full of $hit...

********************

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:

I'm doing it as a public service

********************

Here is Iowa it is expected to be 90+ degrees (way too hot for me)

so I will be enjoying my central air conditioning

and hope to get some painting time in. 

Enjoy your Friday and weekend my friends. 
Hugs, Erin